When Hurt Shapes What We Reach For
On the podcast and blog over the last few weeks we’ve been talking about temptation- today’s blog coorisponds with a really significant conversation I had with 3 other women about this topic. Typically I don’t refer directly to podcast episodes in the blog- but I think I would be doing you a disservice not to reference the episode! If you want to check it out for yourself- you can find here! `(look for episodes 34 & 35!)
Now back to our regularly scheduled blog….
Last time, we talked about what we reach for when we’re running on empty.
But sometimes it’s not just exhaustion.
Sometimes it’s hurt.
And hurt has a way of shaping what we reach for just as powerfully.
The Temptation No One Talks About
When we’re hurt, misunderstood, or feel unseen… temptation doesn’t always look like escape.
Sometimes it looks like reaction.
It looks like:
Wanting someone else to feel what we feel
Replaying the situation until we can prove we were right
Pulling people into our corner
Withdrawing completely
Shutting down instead of working through it
Sometimes it’s loud.
Sometimes it’s quiet.
But underneath it, there’s often the same thing:
“I just want this to stop hurting.”
And that’s a real desire.
But what we do with that desire matters.
The Subtle Pull Toward Self-Protection
Hurt makes self-protection feel wise.
It tells us:
Don’t open up again
Don’t trust them
Just walk away
Justify the distance
And sometimes, boundaries are necessary.
Sometimes stepping back is wise.
But there’s a difference between healthy boundaries and avoidance.
One leads to healing.
The other quietly hardens us.
And if we’re not careful, we can start calling avoidance “peace”…
when it’s really just fear in a softer voice.
Wanting to Be Seen… or Something Deeper?
A lot of this conversation kept circling back to one thing:
Feeling unseen.
And if we’re honest, that hits deep.
We want to be:
noticed
valued
understood
known
But sometimes what we call “feeling unseen” is more layered than that.
Sometimes:
we’re expecting others to meet needs we haven’t named
we’re overlooking the ways we are being loved
we’re not letting ourselves be fully known
or we’re carrying wounds from places where we truly weren’t seen
And those wounds don’t just disappear.
They shape how we interpret everything.
The Cycle We Don’t Always Notice
One of the most honest moments in this conversation was this:
Sometimes we feel unseen…
and then we isolate…
and then we feel even more unseen.
We end up reinforcing the very thing we’re trying to escape.
We stop reaching out.
We stop opening up.
We stop letting people in.
And then we wonder why no one sees us.
That cycle is sneaky.
And it’s incredibly human.
Naming What’s Actually True
Here’s where this gets important:
Not every feeling is a lie.
But not every feeling is the full truth either.
Sometimes we were overlooked.
Sometimes we were hurt.
Sometimes we were unseen in very real ways.
And naming that matters.
But staying there?
Letting it define us?
Building our identity around it?
That’s where things start to shift in the wrong direction.
Because we don’t just need to be seen.
We need to be known.
And more than that—
We need to be known by the One who already sees it all clearly.
God Doesn’t Just See You—He Knows You
It’s easy to believe God sees us from a distance.
Like He’s aware… but not close.
But Scripture paints a different picture.
God doesn’t just see your actions.
He knows:
your thoughts
your patterns
your wounds
your fears
the things you haven’t even been able to name yet
And He’s not pulling away.
He’s drawing near.
That matters.
Because when we don’t believe we’re known by Him,
we start chasing that feeling everywhere else.
What Do We Do With All of This?
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about shifting where we turn.
In moments of hurt:
Pause before reacting
Pay attention to what you’re reaching for
Invite God into the exact emotion you’re feeling (not the cleaned-up version)
Let someone safe speak truth into your life
Not someone who will just agree with you.
Someone who will help you see clearly.
Because clarity is what breaks cycles.
A Question Worth Sitting With
Not to rush past it—but to actually sit with it:
Am I truly unseen… or am I not letting myself be seen?
Sometimes the answer is one.
Sometimes it’s both.
But that question can open the door to something deeper than reaction.
It can lead to healing.
One Small Step
You don’t have to fix everything today.
Just start somewhere.
Tell the truth—to God, to yourself, to someone safe.
Because freedom doesn’t come from pretending you’re okay.
It comes from being honest about where you’re not.
And letting God meet you there.
Want to go deeper into this conversation?
This week’s episode of the Everyday Truths Podcast continues unpacking how temptation shows up in real-life moments—and how we can respond with truth, not just instinct.
– Sherri
